Curious? Here’s a beginner’s guide to open relationships.
Read the full article on Body + Soul by Georgia here.
The thought of seeing other people outside of your relationship can be both daunting and thrilling. If you are thinking about giving non-monogamy a go, sex and relationships expert Georgia Grace says you should answer these questions first.
‘I could never do that!’ It’s one of the first things people say when the topic of non-monogamy comes up. Well, at least if they’ve never tried it before.
While it’s certainly not a new concept, recently I’ve noticed an increase in clients curious about exploring non-monogamy.
The curiosity is often paired with a lot of fear and judgement about what it means, the potential thrills and the risk it could cause to the foundations of a relationship. So whether you’re just curious or you’re ready to explore opening up, let’s break it down.
First up, what is non-monogamy?
At the most basic level, non-monogamy is an umbrella term for any relationship that doesn’t just feature two people. But this can mean so many things to different people.
These relationships may be sexual or romantic and can be practised by anyone regardless of their identity or orientation. You may also hear the term ethical non-monogamy (ENM) or consensual non-monogamy (CNM), as this emphasises that the relationship is practised ethically, with honesty, consideration, and respect for everyone involved.
It’s worth noting that a lot of people in non-monogamous structures choose not to include the term ‘ethical’ as this should be a given. Just because you’re not monogamous it doesn’t mean you’re inherently unethical.
Dropping the E from ENM works to challenge the idea that the only moral way to have sex, date or be in a relationship is in a committed, monogamous structure.
Lean into what structure works for you
There’s no one-size-fits-all for non-monogamy, there are so many ways to practise with different agreements and structures. While having these labels and structures can be useful for some – others may draw inspiration and co-create new structures that work for them. Consider these top-line descriptions as fluid and not prescriptive.
Monogamish: A term coined by Dan Savage to describe a mostly monogamous relationship that allows for other relationships on occasion.
Polyfidelity: more than two people in a closed relationship, everyone is a primary/equal partner, typically all partners are exclusive and not to be sexually or romantically involved with someone outside the relationship.
Open: a committed relationship/couple where one or both partners open up to sexual or romantic relationships with others.
Swinging: A couple who has sex with others outside of their relationship, typically this is a sexual agreement and they refrain from romantic relationships. This may take place with other people’s partners or at parties.
Polyamorous: Poly means many, and amor means love – polyamory is the practice of or desire for multiple romantic/sexual relationships with the consent of all people involved.
Poly-intimates: A sexually exclusive couple where each partner has other important emotional, intimate or platonic partnerships.
Hierarchical polyamory: A polyamorous relationship where there is a sense of prioritising one partner (primary) over others (secondary/tertiary).
Non-hierarchical polyamory: A polyamorous relationship structure where all partners are equal i.e. no primary partnerships and no hierarchy.
Solo polyamory: A person who has a number of meaningful relationships without a primary partner.
Relationship anarchy: Those who reject rules associated with conventional partnership and set their own expectations and boundaries for relationships. There is no hierarchy, the philosophy of relationship anarchy also challenges the idea that romantic relationships are more important than all other relationships.
Read the full article on Body + Soul by Georgia here.